Where Angels Speak
by TheMacUnleashed
Summary: All things considered, Anna Milton probably didn't pick such a great day to start listening to the Radio. Crack!fic. Castiel, Uriel, Michael, and a few non-canon angels.


**Title: **Where Angels Speak  
**Author: **TheMacUnleashed**  
Summary: **All things considered, Anna Milton probably didn't pick such a great day to start listening to the Radio.  
**Characters: **Castiel, Uriel, Michael, and two OC's, Nemuel and Sachiel.**  
Spoilers:** For a good deal of Season Four; very vague ones for 5x08, Changing Channels, and possibly for 5x01.  
**Notes****:** Conversation-only fic, and my first attempt at one. All feedback is appreciated. Also, a bit of a crack!fic.

* * *

"Dean Winchester is saved. I have raised him from perdition."

"'Perdition?' _Really_, Cas? Can't you just say 'Hell?'"

"I… I didn't realize it made a difference…"

"Nemuel, leave Cas alone. When was the last time _you_ went to Hell?"

"Excuse me? Oh, that isn't hypocritical at all coming from _you_, Sachiel. I know you were present when Michael asked the Choir for volunteers to go down to get the human, and you didn't even look up!"

"It would have interfered greatly with my duties; you know that! I have to have my priorities in order, to use a Human expression. What's your excuse?"

"I wasn't even there. I'll have you know, I was called off to help at the Tree of Life –chosen specifically to-"

"'Specifically?' _I_ happen to know that the names were chosen at random-"

"Both of you, stop arguing! This could be important. Cas, tell us what happened."

"Besides that Gamaliel is dead."

"And that Chakel was injured. Lordy, you could hear him screaming from here into the first century! Wimp."

"Have respect for your brothers, you two -and for Father's sake, shut your mouths! I told you before, and I'm not saying it again."

"Sorry, Uriel."'

"Yeah."

"Thank you. As I was saying, Dean Winchester has been redeemed. He is back on Earth as we speak."

"Did you make sure you put him back in the right time? Because I think that would be really funny, if you stuck him in the past, just to mess with his mind."

"Nemuel! You're speaking of the one who could save us all from Lucifer. Have some respect!"

"Well, _excuse_ me. We're righteous creatures, and he did break the first seal. Why can't we have a little bit of fun?"

"Because he's spent forty years in the pit, being tortured -and occasionally doing the torture, but still. We can forgive him for that, surely."

"Dean _broke?!_ When the Hell was this?"

"Assuming you mean that in the most literal sense -and you'd better- than about ten years ago. Which you would realize if you bothered to actually listen whenever you checked in."

"Uh, Uriel? Not to speak ill of you or anything, which I would never do, if for nothing else but that you kind of scare me -and you're my superior, which, by the way, I still have no idea how that happen-"

"Oh, stop it. You've been holding a grudge for longer than Michael did when Metatron entered the picture."

"-but you haven't exactly been checking in that often. I mean, you're probably really busy blowing things up, or whatever it is you do, but still. It's like you've been sneaking around behind our backs."

"Nemuel?"

"What, Sachiel?"

"Be silenced. Seriously, _some_ of us would like to know how Cas's redemption mission went."

"Yeah? You and who else? No offense, Cas. You always were one of my favorite brothers, and I'm very glad to hear that you're alive."

"Thank you."

"I'm rather interested in knowing how it went as well. And as for how frequently I check in, that's not any concern of yours, now is it?"

"Sorry. And, uh, no. Now that you mention it, I guess it isn't. Cas, please continue."

"Very well. I entered Hell's third level at about-"

"Castiel?"

"Yes, Nemuel?"

"Could you, you know, get to the point? If I wanted geography lesson of Hell, I'd have gone there myself."

"Of course. I went into Hell with the garrison I had been assigned to lead, which consisted of Chakel, Gamaliel, and Lemuel. When we entered, we were met by a force of demons-"

"Is anyone surprised? Because I'm not. It's _Hell_; of course there are demons!"

"If you don't shut up right now, I'm going to see to it that you perform duties alongside a Cupid for the next millennium –and don't think I'm exaggerating."

"Nobody takes you lightly, Uriel, you need not worry... moving along, we defeated the initial group sent to meet us, and then descended three levels below. That was when we were meant with some of the more ancient demons, led by a group of shedu. They engaged us in battle, in which Chakel was injured. He was forced to ascend back home rather than continue onwards and risk his life. Or increase the risk."

"And, Castiel, you should know that he is safe at the moment, and should be fully healed soon."

"You're interrupting now? Aren't you becoming what you hate?"

"I don't _ha_- never mind. Consider yourself unofficially assigned to work with the Cupids."

"Come on, Uriel. We both know that you don't have the authority to do that. Oh, crap! Oh, darn! Okay, I'm good. Almost got hit by the car I was pulling someone away from, but I'm good now! Probably shouldn't be talking on the Radio while I'm at work, though. Oh, well. Cas, that was just getting interesting."

"Yes. Well, once our numbers had been reduced, we were forced to separate from our previous group. Gamaliel and Lemuel moved out together, to prevent the demon forces from advancing upon us. I went deeper, to where Dean Winchester was. I found him covered in blood –not his, I think- in front of another tortured soul, and I did like I was supposed to, and pulled him out from Perdition. I don't think he was too happy with me –he seemed a bit confused, which is understandable- but the job is certainly done. Lemuel emerged relatively unscathed, from my understanding, but Gamaliel was killed as he warred against Alastair while I removed Dean's soul."

"You know, I feel absolutely terrible for thinking this, but why did he have to die? We go 2,000 years without so much as an accident, and now look where we are. The Archangels aren't going to be too happy at him for ruining that streak."

"We can speak for ourselves, thank you very much, Nemuel."

"Michael! Long time since I've heard from you. How have you been doing?"

"Come on, Sachiel. Could you suck up anymore?"

"'Suck up?' You have been spending far too much time back on Earth. It's _called_ being respectful-"

"Both of you, be silenced! I'm sick of your bickering clogging up the Angelic Communication system, especially at this highly important time!"

"...we're really sorry, Michael."

"Yeah. We didn't mean to cause trouble."

"You're our older brother, and we both care deeply about you. And about you, Cas. And you, Uriel."

"I know you do, and I expect that both of you will receive Revelation after this conversation."

"Of course we will."

"I couldn't imagine us doing anything else."

"Good. Castiel, Zachariah will inform you of your next assignment. Your performance on this one was most satisfactory."

"Yes, Michael."

"If that's clear, then I will communicate with you all shortly. Father's Grace go with you all."

"And also with you."

"...I think he's gone."

"He let you both off only with _Revelation_?! Do you have _any_ idea how lucky you are? Telling you to just go do something that you should be anyway? If I were in charge-"

"No worry, Uriel; Sachiel and I are both quite aware of that. And we're both very thankful that you're not in charge right now."

"No offense meant, of course."

"If you're both satisfied with my retelling of what went on in the pit, I think I had better leave. Zachariah does not enjoy being kept waiting."

"Bye, Cas."

"God go with you, brother."

"Goodbye, Castiel -although, I expect I will be speaking with you shortly. Same garrison, and all that."

"You're going to be shoving that promotion in our faces 'till the end of time, aren't you?"

"Only until you admit that it bothers you, Sachiel. Now, I'd best be on my way, too -I have an agenda of my own."

"Whatever that means, Uriel. Whatever."

"Check in more often, would you? It seems like you high-ranking hotshots never bother sending a message. I mean, I'm on here all the time!"

"Which might explain _why_ you aren't one of the high-ranking ones. I'm gone."

"On the subject of our brothers who never radio in, has anyone heard from Gabriel lately?"

"I haven't."

"Should we be concerned?"

"Nah. Gabe can take care of himself."

"If you think so. I'd best be on my way. Michael will not be pleased if I put off receiving Revelation."

"It's the _Apocalypse_. If Michael's pleased, something's wrong."

"Goodbye, Nemuel."


End file.
